• Nick Henderson

What’s so bad about premarital sex?

“Premarital sex is an illusion. It leaves you confusing lust for love. Love waits. Lust hastens.” - Caleb Soetan


There are many sinful behaviors chipping away at the level of morality of this world. Premarital sex is both the most significant and silent one.

It, like most forms of lust, flies under the radar. Why? Because there are no tangible consequences initially.

It’s not like murder, theft or even gossip. The two people affected seem to be enjoying the activity - so how could it be a negative thing?

It begs the question: what is so bad about premarital sex?

Well, there are a couple things:


1. God condemns it throughout the Bible, but is very specific in Hebrews 13:4 where the writer commands that Christians keep the marriage bed “pure” and “undefiled.”

By pure and undefiled God means exactly that - pure and undefiled. In a perfect world, a virgin man and a virgin woman both share their first sexual encounter in marriage.


In short, premarital sex is a sin. It dishonors God and displeases Him. That should be a good enough reason to abstain completely, until marriage.

2. Sex outside of marriage bonds you to people, whether you like it or not. John Mark Comer describes in his book Loveology the term “Sex Glue.” The term speaks to the fact that having sex with someone connects you to that person emotionally, not just physically.

That’s great if you’re married and you can trust that person with your emotional well being. But when it is just a boyfriend, girlfriend or even a random hook up - that’s bad news. You have just connected emotionally with someone who potentially has zero or little regard for your overall well being.

Down the road, it even reduces your ability to bond with people at all. In illustrating this, think of a sticky note and it’s function. It’s meant to stick to things (duh). Yet, if you pull the sticky note off of something and try to stick it back - you’ll notice that the bond is not as strong. Do this a few times over and eventually the sticky note won’t even stick to the surface anymore.

This is what happens to us after having multiple sex partners. We connect and disconnect with so many people that when it comes time to connect with the person we want to be with for the rest of our life, we can’t. Our ability to bond has been altered because of our poor choices.


With all of that said and as a person who has failed in this realm as well, it’s important for us never to forget the forgiveness and grace of God in this situation.

It is God’s love and forgiveness that gives us a restart in life. It allows us to walk forward from our failures and move on from our mistakes.

God’s grace is not only there to save us, but to also sustain us in this life to be who He has called us to be: a pure person heading into marriage.

In sum, sex is a not a bad thing. It’s a great thing - in the right context. That context is inside the covenant of marriage and should be reserved for it alone. Outside of it, complexities and problems begin to pour in.




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